your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
