allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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