I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
