Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
