I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
