Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
