why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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