I wish I could teleport
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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