i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize