Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
