Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
