Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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