just tell him i said nine months
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
