i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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