I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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