Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
