ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
