I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
