i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
