She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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