ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
