nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
