i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
