She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
