I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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