literally had 100 drinks last night.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
