So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
