You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
