She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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