shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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