Who did Billy Mays play for?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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