I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
