wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize