I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
