You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize