Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
