i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
