i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
