Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
