and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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