my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
