This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
