My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
