I bet he comes in French.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
