On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
