Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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