you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
