For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
