I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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