I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
MIDGETS
????
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
