I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
