She's JV to your varsity
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
