You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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