my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
