Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
