I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize