Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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