let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
