Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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