This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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