no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize