These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
