i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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