I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
