just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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