He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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