Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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