I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
