No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
